Four-panel documentaries from the front lines of commerce. Drawn in the finest medium available to our art budget: emoji.
The Lifecycle of a Gym Membership
🎉🏋️
Jan 2: “New year, new me!” Signs 24-month contract at 7am.
🛋️📺
Jan 19: “Rest is part of training.”
📬😱
June: Discovers the $49 “annual enhancement fee”. The enhancement is unclear.
📠⚰️
Year 3: Attempts cancellation. The gym only accepts faxes. From a notary. In person.
A Customer Service Odyssey
📞🙂
“Your call is important to us.” Hour 1: hope.
🎷🕰️
Hour 2: The jazz loop begins its 40th rotation. You know the sax solo personally now.
🗣️🔁
Hour 3: Transferred. Explains the problem for the 6th time, now in interpretive song.
☎️💀
Hour 4: “We value your feedback.” *click* Survey arrives. It’s 45 questions.
The Checkout Page Gauntlet
🛒✨
Item: $20. You feel good about this.
📈🧾
Shipping, handling, “processing”, and a mystery line item called “misc”: $47.
⏳🔥
“3 people are looking at this item!” They are bots. You know they’re bots. Your heart rate disagrees.
📦🧦
Arrives in 9 weeks. It is a different item. It is socks.
The Free Trial
🆓😍
“First 30 days free!” Enters card “just for verification”.
🗓️😴
Day 31 occurs at 12:00:01 AM. The charge is instant. Nothing else this company does is instant.
🔍🕳️
Searches for the cancel button. It is behind seven menus, guarded by a sad puppy photo: “We’ll miss you.”
💳🔁
Cancels. Confirmation email offers… a free trial.